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Please enjoy these quotes about Funniest from my collection of quotes and sayings.
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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