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I don't believe in the after life,
by Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

Related topics: Funny Cynical

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

 

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford

I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life
as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.
- Joseph Campbell

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott

Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.
- Francis Bacon

Stand often in the company of dreamers.
They believe you can achieve impossible things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We believe whatever we want to believe.
- Demosthenes

I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world.
For, indeed, that's all who ever have.
- Margaret Mead

The moment we want to believe something,
we suddenly see all the arguments for it,
and become blind to the arguments against it.
- George Bernard Shaw

I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein

In spite of everything, I still believe
that people are really good at heart.
I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation
consisting of confusion, misery and death.
- Anne Frank

Believe you can and you're halfway there.
- Theodore Roosevelt

The only way to store information is by agreement.
The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind.
Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others,
but we cannot accept and love ourselves.
- don Miguel Ruiz

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

Believe in yourself, and trust your own wisdom
rather than being swayed by the opinions of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Believe you can - and then make it happen.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Simply put, you believe that things
or people make you unhappy,
but this is not accurate.
You make yourself unhappy.
- Wayne Dyer

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west;
people create distinctions out of their own minds
and then believe them to be true.
- The Buddha

What people believe prevails over the truth.
- Sophocles

Truth is not defined by
how many people believe something.
Ask. Question. Think.
Decide - for yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Believe in yourself.
- Anonymous

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe,
it can achieve.
- Napoleon Hill

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared
believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.
- Bruce Barton

Don't believe me,
don't believe yourself,
and don't believe anyone else.
- don Miguel Ruiz

I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything,
I still believe that people are really good at heart.
- Anne Frank

Have a Vision, a Dream.
Believe in that Vision.
Live that Vision with every fiber of your being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is always better to have no ideas than false ones;
to believe nothing, than to believe what is wrong.
- Thomas Jefferson

If you believe that a task will be difficult, it will be -
and you will have suffered with worry beforehand.
Approach life with joy and optimism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The thing always happens that you really believe in;
and the belief in a thing makes it happen.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Shallow men believe in luck.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I believe that anyone can conquer fear
by doing the things he fears to do,
provided he keeps doing them until he gets
a record of successful experience behind him.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

You can, when you believe you can.
- Anonymous

If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right.
Men will believe what they see.
- Henry David Thoreau

I do not believe in a fate that
falls on men however they act;
but I do believe in a fate
that falls on them unless they act.
- The Buddha

Even the truth, when believed, is a lie.
You must experience the truth, not believe it.
- Werner Erhard


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